I am a terrible person at studying. I spend more time sleeping and munching away at little prawn crackers than reading my notes (plus the notes have been squashed down to very few pages so what's my excuse?) Actually today was the first time I had little prawn crackers. Most of the time my house is devoid of food and even my little biscuits that I depend on for lunch have began to vanish mysteriously. (Fine so I ate them)

I think online shopping, especially for sprees, to actually get them, you have to be on the computer 24/7. Anyway, I'm only waiting for ulta and mandee. Oh for exams to be over - Christine is going to go crazy shopping. Worried about exams but I think the best thing is not to worry about it -just leaving it up to God is the smartest thing anyone can do.

I've already packed my after exams schedule with many many fun things to do. As my sister astutely pointed out " YOU'RE ONLY GOING OUT TO EAT AND SHOP WITH FRIENDS- JUST DIFFERENT FRIENDS EVERY DAY- WHAT IMAGINATION" Eh fine. It's also different activities okay! Like one day shop for dressy tops, one day shop for dresses, one day shop for shoes. Haha. Just kidding la, even my bank account won't be able to stand it.

Listening to Westlife makes me wanna dance.

Tomorrow's going to be intensive torts studying. HAHA LIKE REAL. My sister went for her prom so that's why I can use the Internet. I like her necklace. I like watching her have makeup. I want to play with makeup to but that's just silly because I'm not going anywhere. And I only use all the what not when I'm going out at night anyway. Sparkles are nice. I sound like a little girl who's been deprived of playing with her mum's makeup box. (Weirdly enough, I have more makeup than my mum now- that woman wanted to raid my closet for a more dressy top which will definitely be too big for her)

-Oh well, Project Runway time. There's always time for torts tomorrow. Plus, I need to spend more time with God. (I also bought an ice cream cone so I shall be munching myself to a fatter face) AIYA SPARE ME LA I HAVEN'T HAD A SODA OR ANYTHING UNHEALTHY FOR SO LONG UNTIL TODAY.

I write this without condemning others, only because it had such a huge impact on my Christian life and my walk with God that I really felt I had to share. (Comments about this post- please be tactful)

I had a 48 hour Singapore Legal System paper this weekend. And I was all set to go with a bunch of my friends to discuss the questions even though it's not allowed. It was only until Friday night that I really gave much thought to it and I just didn't feel right. I spent 2 hours with God and just struggled. You have to understand that this is a completely new syllabus, last year's questions were terrible and uncomprehendable and this is an exam for crying out loud. Which I did. I managed to forget it while watching TV but couldn't take it and just called Eugenia. I was almost relieved when she didn't answer because I knew what she would advise me to do. And when I did contact her and she was talking to me, I already knew. I was making excuses and compromises and even then there was no peace.

I made the decision not to discuss not because I was afraid of the earthly consequences. I just didn't feel right by God and I wanted my actions to match my words. And at that point I officially decided, I realised I had placed my complete and utter trust in God. I had to because there was no other choice left for me to take. No one but Him could bring me through.

I don't want to sound self-righteous. This is really just a personal choice. But the peace that followed was so blessed.

I finished my paper before cell on Saturday and my mind was only on God during that time. People may view this as a stupid decision, especially if I don't get the grades (which I might not) but I truly feel happy with my decision.

-Aside from that, still online spreeing, cursing United those WANKERS. Haha, am sad about them leading. HOW MANY SHOTS ON GOAL ARE YOU GOING TO MISS, CHELSEA? Eh, I want Rio to score an Own Goal. And I'll probably receive much HAHAS from United Fans. What is this? A repeat from last season? Wankers.

Chelsea update. When I changed my MSN nick from "United you wankers" to "Chelsea my love you'll never disappoint me" Carvalho equalized for the Blues. Chelsea Chelsea. The weirdest thing is that Chelsea and United haven't played for draws in a very long time. So I'm waiting for the last minute superb shot from either side. It won't determine the premiership winners but it's always nice to win.

JT is rooting for Chelsea for me from London. The boy is hoping his name will bring luck to JohnTerry (more affectionately also known as JT). This is quite surprisingly because JT has always maintained that he is the Seria A supporter. (But when Milan is languishing near the bottom I suppose he can spare some luck for the Chels)

Someone said I sounded wistful. I am, believe me, I am.

For the holidays that's for sure. I enjoy doing completely nothing except hanging with friends.

A draw a draw and it's over. Hooboy, it's like... might as well don't play today. Draws are only good for those who are trying to catch up. But apparently it was a really good game, cos Saha's goal was first class. See, I give United credit where credit is due.

To bed to bed my love.

First of all, Happy Birthday Clara. Woot! You toot toot face I love you.

I'm blogging because I'm bored with studying. I feel so slack and even when I'm actually sitting down and looking at my notes, I'm going "orh, ok" and leaving it as that. I intended, in the grand scheme of things, to study for 10 hours every day but end up doing less than half. I set aside one hour for tutorials per topic (in torts) but rush through them in half an hour, just reading through and thinking... NOT BAD I WILL PRINT IT AND BRING IT INTO THE EXAM HALL AND COPY. Which is so wrong but I'm giving myself the defence of "THIS IS READING WEEK AND I HAVE ONE EXAM PER WEEK SO I CAN SLACK A BIT".

Lovely.

I haven't been out for 4 days. Aiiiiiiii, 2 weeks or so and I'll be free!! Thinking of Christmas, thinking of Jude coming back, thinking of church drama and youth camp!

Benita's bad influence on my life in online shopping. (After rushing through yesterday's extremely slack contract revision -terms) ONLINE SHOPPING. I feel like I ought to stop babbling and go and read cases on vicarious liability. Since I'm going to stop at 6 that doesn't really give me a lot of time to fool around on the computer.

Anyway, Chelsea lost their CL match 1-0 but it doesn't matter because we're through to the Round of 16. And I saw this very pretty dress online. And I need more money. I want better lunch food, have been surviving on maggi mee, bread and biscuits because too lazy to really cook or go and buy.

I'm super super tired. And not because I've been burning midnight oil studying. I've never done that before except right before History for As and that was only until 12. (Yes my brain shuts off at 10 so I often have to wake up early but then again my brain doesnt really start functioning until later oh well)

Ended Semester 1 of Law School on Wednesday. Hooray for surviving.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Relaxing relaxing relaxing. Just chilled. Went out with Benita and cell group. Though today they left for lunch without me because I was stuck doing camp registration, I hate last minute stuff because everyone signs up at the last minute so today I got 40 names!!! Messy messy. And then the cell abandoned me. ClaraWoonie I cant believe you didn't realise I wasn't there until much later you toot.

But then weekends were never meant for me to do real work. Going out later to have dinner at Compass Point.

Camp registration is giving me a headache but I'm still very glad that I'm doing this.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have its own worries. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt 6:34)
We do not need to know what will happen tomorrow. We only need to know He leads us and we will find grace to help us when we need it.

God is all I need to bring me through the exams. Keeping my friends in prayer too!

I'm going to promote the drama production again and I really hope people will give me a positive response. 9 Dec.

I'm sorry I'm too tired to write in paragraphs and everything's so fragmented. I've often said this, that law will never become my top priority ahead of God and relationships and I'll stick by it. I'm... just going to go now I think. Because I can't really think.

Not even focusing well on reading stuff about Chelsea. Bye bye then.

Suddenly I got extra camp stuff to do so it's good timing.

I'm tired, I'm irritable and I don't know why I'm still up when I should be sleeping now that admin stuff for FACT camp has been sorted out.

I hate beating around the bush. I know I do it sometimes but right now I've got no patience for it. I'll indulge in coyness and what not if time permits but I'm simply too burned out to care. I shouldn't be tired because after the camp comm meeting I came straight home and napped for 4 hours. I didn't do any work at all but laze around the house, potter around and then spent the rest of the time before turning on the TV to chat with friends. So just don't ask me why I feel this way. I'm not PMS-ing, I'm just grouchy and in a mood.

I was perfectly happy talking to Clara and Jude. Amongst others.

I can't help with Clara's problem. And I know the feeling of being torn in two. Maybe she wouldn't want me to be saying all this online so I'll just say this: Ask God again, I believe you'll know the answer when the time comes. You know what I want you to do, but the important thing is to do what God wants you to do. I wish I could take the load off your shoulders. Talking to you and Jude today made me so so happy.

I've come to a realization of sorts. Now's not the time and place to be harbouring useless hopes. I don't have to go through such measures to gain what I want because that's not the plan. It's saddening to note that I can be remarkably patient in some ways and so impatient at other times. Just because I'm feeling irritable now means that I want to just say it's not worth it. And it isn't. Unfortunately, some things are irrational.

I'm just tired. I hope this mood lifts soon. Good night.

Thank you clarawoonie and judygohgeoksan, praise be to God for these 2 sisters of mine.

Current Handphone Status: GONE.

Have to go back to Nokia Care Center at Wheelock on Tuesday to get it back. Checking for repairs. I'm pretty pissed because I can't SMS for 4 days. Today was a bad day. Piano was really crappy. It's so frustrating all the time when you know you're trying so hard but she makes you repeat the same 4 bars over and over again. Sometimes I don't even know why which means I can't hear my mistakes.

I want to go to sleep. So drained. But Chelsea v. Watford calls. I prefer Chelsea to play early games at lunchtime (UK time)

Been reading Buffy books. I like Angel and Spike. I miss Oz. And Cordelia. And I never liked Riley. I know people are telling me to start studying and I will do that soon. Like after Sunday. Really. I just can't do it at the moment. For now, I'm just glad that Research Binder is over. My groupmates were great, they really were.

I was going to type something but I forgot what it was. Oh.

I was looking through the Singapore Legal System readings on the Judiciary and on Francis Seow's article about how it isn't sufficiently independent and the judges are the government's lackeys (i'm paraphrasing him so no sueing for defamation) and was remembering how some people agreed with the views (Michael Hor's questions made it seem like he was taking a more moderate stand with this topic than with the previous Legislature GRC questions). How ironic that you're agreeing that the judges are 'beholden' to the government and yet as aspiring lawyers to be, some of us wish to be judges of that very judiciary that you're criticizing. Haha. Strange.

FINALLY THE GAME STARTED. IT STARTED! WOOT. SO EXCITING! come on the Chels! YES MR LEIGHTON GAN I AM DOING THIS TO IRRITATE YOU! CAMP COMM MEETING TOMORROW! (sorry Chelsea gets me high)

This is all over the place because I'm not feeling so mopey and sian anymore. To heck with law and piano. Weekends are not to be made unhappy days. Where is my good friend Benita Ong? Happy happy birthday 40 minutes early.

Stupid M1 or stupid handphone. I don't know why but the reception comes and goes. It's not the location because from Bukit Timah to Kent Ridge back to Hougang it's been giving me problems. If you call and I'm at home, call divert means I'll answer. If you SMS and I got no reception or you call and I'm not at home, suaaaaaaaaaaay.

I think I have to go and get my phone checked or something. This is the first time something like that has happened and I so do not appreciate it. If I'm uncontactable for a few days you know why. I didn't even drop the phone don't know why this is happening.

EH MR GAN YOU ARE A SILENT READER OF MY BLOG EH. SINCE I ONLY TAGGED TODAY AND YOU TAGGED BACK. APPROVE MY TESTIMONIAL AND CHEER CHELSEA.

I shall remove this post when my handphone gets normal again. For now, SUCK THUMB.

My mind couldn't be feeling more numb. Maybe it's the thought that I'll be off to school in a few minutes, maybe it's because I know that I'm not sure of my cases for today's torts, maybe it's because yesterday's torts tutorial had me swimming a bit in terms of Re A Re B Re C Re D and cases which have no particular distinguishing name. Otherwise, it's probably the fact that Mistake in Contract is really a Mistake.

When I start punning with my topics, you know something's wrong. Of course the puns have already started a long time ago, but when it's encapsulated by a Year 2 who knows all the topics we're going to cover, it's pretty bad.

That's a mistake, soon you'll be frustrated, no consideration for others blah blah blah. Thanks a lot.

I know it seems stupid but I'm going to say this. My life in law isn't exactly in control. So I shall place more emphasis on the things I can control: like the time I want to devote to God. Before meeting for cell on Saturday, I was just hit by this desire to volunteer to pray for the cell in the opening of cell. Similarly with ushering. There's so much I want to do for Him. (I know doing well in school also can give means to glorify Him but oh well, it's easier for the former)

My oral presentation stank. It was ripped to shreds in all its glory. I came out feeling like I failed myself, failed my groupmates. As if I had barely done any research because the nitpicking came in areas I had confidently thought would be bypassed. It hit me that maybe I'm not cut out to be a lawyer. Some people you see, you can just tell they're meant for it. My sister said, some wallow, some get over it. You're in the middle. How apt. Because at times I just tell myself to move on and at times I worry and fret over it. But it's over and nothing I say can change the grade so we simply have to move on. It's a matter of time tis all.

Anyway, I'm glad that my sister seems to be doing okay in the Os. She's only taken a few papers so far but I'm glad that there's no "screwed" coming out of her mouth when I ask her about them.

Lord, give me the strength to see each day through. Not only that, but to praise You in all I do.

This is most unbecoming! First Maka scores a nice goal and then Spurs scores another to make the score 1-1???! Rawr and all that.

I didn't do much work this weekend. Instead, I used the days to restore my soul. Ha, in other words, catch up on sleep, relax my brain and fill my soul. The whole physically, mentally and spiritually thing. Fantastic man. All geared up for oral presentation tomorrow? Hmm, maybe not there yet but confidence is what I have in God!

Faith must be accompanied by action and what you ask for, you must believe before you get it.

Saturday was wonderful wonderful with cell. Lovely dinner after and then to Esta's house with Clara to talk rubbish! Clara is traumatising so many people.

Sunday was my Chelsea mate's birthday! Happy Birthday Teh Cher Hao!! We had breakfast at the coffeeshop and then off to church and then found out that JoP forgot it was our cell's turn to usher. So we nicely volunteered. Worship was fab but I can't seem to find the songs to download boo. Camp registration got me a little flustered and oops, I know what I'm supposed to be doing now is typing the names into the computer. Brian Seah and JoP started being mean to me poo, trying to steal the camp money. John Teh and Leighton started cheering Spurs too.

Talked on MSN to Dawn and Daniel. Only it was one sibling per day. Sat: Dawn on Man United. Sun: Scolding Daniel for cursing Chelsea, wah not our fault that Arsenal didn't win. I never say YAY ARSENAL LOST OK. NOW YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED? 1-1! But we're still playing so HOPE.

Wish me luck for presentation! And Chelsea too. I have a craving for pasta.

I hope you know what you're doing.

I've been feeling tired and unsettled. Exams are coming soon and even though I struggle not to think about it, everyone in this whole muggerish environment (made all the more evident by the faculty I'm in) seems to be posting little reminders of how screwed I am all around.

More memorising to do for Oral Presentation on Monday. Even after that, we still have to write our memo but at least I know where we're going now. When I reached home, it was so late, so dark. My Dad took one look at my face and asked if I was going to rant and complain about my day. I told him no, because I felt dead to the world. My sister started telling me about her Lit Paper. And then I had to get down to do my script. It's coming along.

Anyway, I admit, I teared again today. Because I thought of the upcoming exams and how screwed I am because I can't understand certain things. It's not that I don't have time (which actually I don't) but sometimes you can have time but still don't understand. (And besides, my life? I don't want it to be just exams -study study all the time -where's the purpose?) I wasn't looking forward to coming home and starting work again. But when I was walking back home from the bus-stop, Hillsong playing from my ipod, smelling the crisp night air that comes with rain and seeing the lights beautifully strung on tree branches (don't ask me why), it just hit me that God is in control, I may not feel confident but God will be my strength.

Eugenia also shared with me a testimony that I feel emphasized everything I felt today.

Nathanael tells me not to stress. I get panicky easily la because I hate feeling stupid. Ugh.

Anyway, I was a witness for Nelson's mock trial on Monday. Was feeling pretty crappy because of the whole long day and LAWR. Screwed up a bit for the examination-in-chief and realised that I should not say 'yes' to put questions during cross-examination. Was feeling quite bad because I thought I didn't do very well but Nelson says that if I keep saying sorry he'll feel bad. It was definitely a good experience though. Went with him after that to church because he had a drama production rehearsal and I wanted to see my cell people (knowing that I may not be able to see them for a while and needing to draw strength from them). I didn't regret spending the time there. I've made so many friends in church. (Lesson: Go for church activities!)

Wednesday... Haha, during Contract tutorial, I was talking to Clara on MSN. Bad me. But she was worse. She was sick and I think medication had messed with her brain or something because she started typing lyrics from "Cannibal King" and "Chan Mali Chan". So I was smiling at the computer and at times when I look at my tutor I was smiling really broadly which is so wrong because Contract is never meant to be a smiling time. Stupid girl. When I told her to stop, she just continued! Oh I love her.

My loves started exams today. Press on, I'll be keeping you in prayer. Please do the same for me too.

I was just thinking about relationships.
It's hard to let go, hard to move on. Even harder to know that the one you love, loves someone else.

Barca 2-2 Chelsea. But yayness, Lamps's goal was pure class from an almost impossible angle and Drogba's goal got us the one point in stoppage time. Dirty game though, with so many yellows.

You called me your Angel